I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
