just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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