You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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