your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
