I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
