Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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