would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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