It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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