there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
