matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
