I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
