Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this hospital has no fireball
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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