I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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