He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The air taste purple.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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