Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize