You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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