guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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