Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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