I wannas sexs uuuuu
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize