Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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