The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
