i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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