So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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