a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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