too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
