Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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