Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
