So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
