y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
