So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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