Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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