We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
