Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
