You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
