ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
