i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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