in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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