she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
