just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
