I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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