It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
