The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize