I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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