Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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