it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
