I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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