Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
