If i come over, it means nothing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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