I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We are two peas in an std pod
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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