i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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