My sheets look like a crime scene.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
