Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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