there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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