I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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