He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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