Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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