I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
